by Charles Therrell (DISK DOKTOR)
Greetings to my brothers and sisters in Green. This is the story of a Mountain Man named Jethro, his trusty particle musket, and his android companion C4RLA, as they sojourn on their sacred mission to destroy Jewish Space Lasers, and imprison the propagandist swine on-air talent at The Weather Channel…………
Wait………
That’s not right……
We’re clearly here to discuss the Seattle Sounders Football Club, and their trip to the Southland, for a grudge match against the Los Angeles Football Club, who displaced us from the MLS Cup November last. Hope you enjoyed the ride on that lead-in. Here goes nothin’.
What: MLS League match, Los Angeles FC v. Seattle Sounders FC.
Where: Figueroa Street, Los Angeles, California.
When: 1:30 p.m. Pacific Standard Time, Saturday 24 February 2024 CE.
At Stake: Determining whether we have the ability to score enough goals/figure out how to football well enough to win a domestic trophy this season, and whether the club has done enough to shore us up for the season after Nico Lodeiro’s departure to sunny Florida. Saints preserve you and your fam, Nico, it’s fucking mental there, mate.
Where to Watch: Apple TV and Fox.
Where to Listen: 950 KJR FM and El Rey 1360 AM.
As the unseasonably warm winter hurtles toward spring, so do we hurtle - right onto the rollercoaster of another season with our beloved Sounders FC. Optimism reigns supreme with our Boys in Green still alive in all three major domestic tournaments, and in the Cascadia Cup as well. And we’ve a record of 0-0-0, we’re UNDEFEATED!
Time to head to the Southland and extract a bit of revenge from our close, personal friends at LAFC for putting us out of MLS Cup last November. I mean, it’s the least of the trophies we play for, but if you allow me the privilege of speaking for all of us: It would bring great satisfaction to our lot if the Sounders wouldn’t just defeat LAFC, but deliver them the absolute pasting they so richly deserve. Maybe Danny Musovski can hit one for us against his old mates. Maybe I’m just a little jelly that LAFC can throw silly money at extremely talented footballers, and we…well…fuck’em. We’ve got Pedro, Jordo, and Cristian and we’re always keen for a proper throwdown.
Assemble ours. Converge on the places that we go. If you’ve headed south, look after each other at the ground. If you’re here, you know how the story goes. Pubs and dwellings for stories and tellings. Houses and flats for pints and cats. Boats and ships for pie and chips. And most importantly GO ON YOU SOUNDERS! GET IN!
Before kick-off, please join me in the auld toast: “TO THE SEATTLE SOUNDERS FOOTBALL CLUB…AND VICTORY!!!”
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I mean, there’s no way that that Pedro’s not in the team on Sat after the club payed €6.4M for him. Is there? (photo credit: fortalezagranate.com.ar) |
The Good News
The only good (relatively speaking) teams LAFC faced in the pre-season were Nordsjaelland and St. Louis City. They lost to both those teams, 1:3 and 0:1 respectively.
Looks like scheduling will be kind to us, with Sounders playing once a week until mid-May. That’s when things start to get a bit sticky, and we should use more of our squad depth. This could provide us with a running start, if we round into good form right at the beginning and hold or improve that form.
Sounders had a long run of pre-season friendlies, and we won nearly half of them. There’s been a week of training at Longacres to prepare for this first match of the league. We’ve added Pedro, that’s not nothin’. He might even play.
LAFC did roughly the same as us in pre-season, although it could be argued that we faced tougher opposition. Maybe that’s a point in our favour.
LAFC signed former French international goalkeeper Hugo Lloris, aged 37. Won loads whilst with Lyon, but didna win fuck-all at Spurs - because Tottenham are rubbish. Wonder how much of that was Lloris?
The Bad News
Stefan Frei and Joao Paulo are out injured. This is not good for a host of reasons. JP is the best passer of all our holding midfielders, and Frei is our top goalkeeper. Thomas and Castro are Frei’s understudies, and neither have played for the Sounders in a league match. In addition, Reed Baker-Whiting and Braudilio Rodrigues are also sidelined with injuries. Rusnak, de la Vega, and Gomez Andrade are all matchday decisions, with Albert nursing an ankle issue, and Pedro and Yeimar nursing “not due to injury”, whatever that is. I count from two to five first choice players out, so at its worst, that’s half the team out. It may not be possible for the Sounders to overcome these losses against a team with the talent of LAFC, who have no first-team players out to injury.
LAFC have a tonne of legitimate goal threats. Of those, the most dangerous is Denis Bouanga, the Gabonese forward who scored 20 league goals last season - good enough for the 2024 MLS Golden Boot. Jackson and Yeimar are going to have their hands full with him.
We do struggle to score goals, as we finished 19th in MLS last season. Let’s hope for a course correction there, and that this is a thing that can be worked out in training. I’d hate to thing it’s a strategy feature and that our attacking players struggle to score because they’re overly saddled with defensive responsibilities. I don’t want Jordo and Pedro concerned with defending corner kicks, I want them focused on finding clean space and helping to create passing and shooting lanes.
I think it was a terrible mistake to let Dobbelaere and Cissoko go. Dobbelaere’s work rate and pace was well above-average, and Cissoko was a strong and able defender who used to captain the reserves and was their sometimes penalty-taker. In cases like these, the players need to go out on loan, not be released on free transfers. I wonder if they moved on because either they weren’t offered a contract, or had better offers from other clubs. Most of our first-choice players are getting on, yet we seem to consistently release young talent — why?
It remains to be seen what the impact is with Lodeiro gone to Orlando. Rusnak is more than a capable on-field replacement, but Nico was more to us than just his abilities on the pitch.
When May comes ‘round, is the Gaffer going to start trusting the youngers to sometimes start a match in the middle of a three-match week to give our veteran players a chance to remain healthy and well-rested? We’ll have to see. I hope that our plan is better than the usual one of rotating 14 players ’til their legs fall off. Only time will tell.
Jada Evans of Seattle Times reported that de la Vega and Gomez Andrade were listed as questionable (matchday decision) “due to fitness”, yet the MLS Player Status Report says that the reason they are so designated is due to the ailment of “not due to injury”. I have no idea what the fuck that means (overweight, visa problems, stage fright, family emergency, COVID positive test, crisis of faith, internal disciplinary issues, late to training - what in the fucking fuck-all the fuck is going on?), and I hope that there is a legitimate reason for this kind of nonsense. If he’s not injured or ill, I can think of 6.5 million reasons de la Vega should be playing, and the centre-half, Gomez Andrade is a vital part of the Sounders defence.
The Side I Would Select
I don’t know how “not due to injury” marks them as questionable, but if Gomez Andrade and Pedro de la Vega aren’t injured, they should bloody well be in the team.
GK Thomas
LB Nouhou
LCH Ragen
RCH Gomez Andrade
RB Alex
LDM Vargas
RDM Leyva
LF de la Vega
CAM Atencio
RF Cristian
CF Morris
The Side I Think The Gaffer Will Select
I don’t even know where to begin. Frei and Joao Paulo are out due to injury. It’s possible Rusnak (ankle), Gomez Andrade, and de la Vega will also be unavailable due to “not due to injury”. I don’t know what that is. I would love to know, yet I doubt that knowledge will be forthcoming. Saints preserve us. You’d have to imagine that Atencio is the understudy to Rusnak at attacking midfield/#10, but you never know. I’ll be keen to see how the Gaffer plays this. Niko Moreno thinks the Gaffer selects Nathan over Xavi at centre-half and that Pedro will be available for selection - I’m going to guess as a substitute. As Niko’s football cred is platinum-level I’ll go with his best guess regarding those two.
GK Thomas
LB Nouhou
LC Ragen
RCH Nathan
RB Alex
LDM Vargas
RDM Leyva
LF Chu
CAM Atencio
RF Cristian
CF Morris
Intangibles
Scab refs. PRO Referees who provide the referees for MLS league and MLS Cup matches locked out the MLS refs over failure to agree on a CBA. I’m guessing it was a shitty offer. Corpos [shaking my head].
General notes on personnel
LAFC transfers IN:
Lloris (Tottenham Hotspur) free
Dellavalle - reserves
Campos (Santos Laguna) €4.6M
Angel (Atletico Nacional) free
Martinez (Monagas SC) €3.2M
Atuesta (Palmeiras) loan
LAFC transfers OUT:
Chiellini - retired
Crisostomo (Tampa Bay Rowdies) free
Gaines - released
Jakupovic - released
Leone (Monterrey) free
Maldonado (Motagua) end of loan
McCarthy (Los Angeles Galaxy) free
Rosales - released
Torres (Tapatio) free
Traore (Phoenix Rising) free
Acosta (Chicago Fire) free
Crepeau (Portland Timbers) free
Palacios (Corinthians) free
Vela - released
Gonzalez (Sporting Gijon) loan
Biuk (Real Valladolid) loan
Krastev (Lommel SK) end of loan
Comparison against common opponents
n/a
Know Thine Enemy
So…funny thing about LAFC this pre-season. There is no available record of who was in the team for those matches. So it could be anyone from their squad, and there’s no lineup to work from. So I’ll attempt to composite one. Nice job on suppressing sports journalism, LAFC. That’s top drawer, you fucking tossers. I hope your entire team gets Athlete’s Foot. Cherundolo seems like a 4-3-3 guy…maybe. Remind me to turn up at your works and withhold vital information necessary for the lot of ye to complete your tasks. Seriously, LAFC. Go fuck yourselves.
GOALKEEPER
MAYBE Hugo Lloris, 37
France (145/0)
Notable Clubs: Nice (72/0), Lyon (146/0), Tottenham Hotspur (361/0)
Estimated Transfer Value: €1.5M
Notes: Developed by Cedac Cimiez and Nice. Won Coup de France and Trophee des Champions with Lyon. Won the FIFA World Cup and UEFA Nations League with France. Named Ligue 1 Goalkeeper of the Year three times. Named to Ligue 1 Team of the Year three times.
DEFENCE
MAYBE Omar Campos, 21
Mexico (1/0)
Notable Clubs: Santos Laguna (109/3)
Estimated Transfer Value: €5M
Notes: Developed by Santos Laguna. No known honours.
MAYBE Aaron Long, 31
United States (35/3)
Notable Clubs: Sacramento Republic (2/0), New York RB (139/12), Los Angeles FC (21/0)
Estimated Transfer Value: €3M
Notes: Played his university football for UC Riverside (71/13). Won a USL Cup with NYRB reserves. Won an MLS League Championship with NYRB. Named USL Defender of the Year in 2016. Named MLS Defender of the Year and MLS Best XI in 2018. Named to CONCACAF Gold Cup Best XI in 2019. Named to CONCACAF Champions League Best XI 2023.
MAYBE Jesus Murillo, 30
Colombia
Notable Clubs: Deportivo Pasto (19/0), Patriotas Boyaca (92/1), Independiente Medellin (90/4), Los Angeles FC (85/2)
Estimated Transfer Value: €2.5M
Notes: Developed by Independiente Medellin. Won a Copa Colombia with Independiente. Named to CONCACAF Champions League Team of the Tournament 2020. Won MLS league and MLS Cup double in 2022.
MAYBE Sergi Palencia, 27
Catalonia
Notable Clubs: Bordeaux (25/0), Saint Etienne (6/0), Leganes (71/0), Los Angeles FC (20/0)
Estimated Transfer Value: €2M
Notes: Developed by CF Badalona and FC Barcelona. No known honours.
MIDFIELD
MAYBE Ilie Sanchez, 33
Catalonia
Notable Clubs: 1860 Munich (24/1), Elche (27/1), Sporting Kansas City (144/7), Los Angeles FC (67/2)
Estimated Transfer Value: €800,000
Notes: Developed by Martinenc, FC Barcelona, Poble Sec, Catalonia, Collblanc, and Cornella. Won a US Open Cup with Kansas City in 2017. Won an MLS Cup and MLS League double with LAFC in 2022.
MAYBE Timothy Tillman, 25
Germany and United States (1/0)
Notable Clubs: 1FC Nurnberg (6/0), Greuther Furth (80/2), Los Angeles FC (25/4)
Estimated Transfer Value: €1.5M
Notes: Developed by ASV Zimdorf, 1SC Feucht, Greuther Furth, and Bayern Munich. Won a German Supercup for Bayern Munich (as an unused substitute).
MAYBE Eduard Atuesta, 26
Colombia (2/0)
Notable Clubs: Independiente Medellin (29/0), Los Angeles FC (96/7), Palmeiras (26/1)
Estimated Transfer Value: €1.8M
Notes: Produced by Independiente Medellin. Won a league championship with LAFC in 2019. Named to MLS Best XI in 2019. Won a league championship with Independiente Medellin in 2016. Won Recopa Sudamericana, two Campeonato Brasileiro Serie A, and a Supercopa do Brasil with Palmeiras.
FORWARD
MAYBE Denis Bouanga, 29
Gabon (37/8)
Notable Clubs: Lorient (38/10), Strasbourg (18/5), Tours (36/16), Nimes (35/8), Saint-Etienne (97/26), Los Angeles FC (38/20)
Estimated Transfer Value: €10M
Notes: Developed by SO Maine and Le Mans. Won MLS league and MLS Cup double in 2022 with LAFC. Won CONCACAF Champions League Golden Boot (7 goals) 2023. Named to CONCACAF Champions League Best XI 2023. Won 2023 MLS Golden Boot (20 goals).
MAYBE Tomas Angel, 21
Colombia
Notable Clubs: Atletico Nacional (40/6), Los Angeles FC (0/0)
Estimated Transfer Value: €850,000
Notes: Developed by Atletico Nacional and CD Estudiantil. Won two Colombian Cups, a Colombian League title, and a Colombian Super Cup with Atletico Nacional. Has 23 caps and 10 goals for Colombia U20s.
MAYBE Cristian Olivera, 21
Uruguay (3/0)
Notable Clubs: Rentistas (32/6), Almeria (3/0), Penarol (15/0), Boston River (29/10), Los Angeles FC (10/2)
Estimated Transfer Value: €4M
Notes: Developed by Arapey Mendoza, Potencia, Flores Palma, Danubio (AUFI), Cerrito, Danubio, Defensor, and Rentistas.
Familiar Faces
Former Sounders FC Coach Ante Razov is a Coach with LAFC.
Squads
Lloris, Romero, Long, Murillo, Segura, Campos, Hollingshead, Palencia, Sanchez, Atuesta, Tillman, Duenas, Bogusz, Bouanga, Darboe, Olivera, Martinez, Angel, Ordaz.
Sounders FC from:
Thomas, Castro, Arreaga, Baker, Bell, Gomez Andrade, Hawkins, Nathan, Nouhou, Ragen, Alex, Atencio, Kitahara, Leyva, Rusnak, Vargas, Chu, de la Vega, Morris, Musovski, Cristian, Rothrock, Ruidiaz, Teves.
Injury List
LAFC -
OUT: Dellavalle (knee).
MATCHDAY DECISION: none.
Sounders FC -
OUT: Baker-Whiting (hamstring), Frei (hamstring), Joao Paulo (hip), Rodrigues (hamstring).
MATCHDAY DECISION: Gomez Andrade (fitness), Rusnak (ankle).
Discipline
No players suspended from either club.
Fun Fact
Jessica Lazo of the Sounders FC Communications Department reports that our Academy U15s and U17s will be playing in the MLS NEXT Fest Showcase. Good luck, lads. Make us proud.
